Audio recording of the post available here!
The other day, my plane sat on the runway for two hours before we left. Obviously, we all wanted to be anywhere else, not waiting like little frogs begging for us to just jump please! I was prepared to press all the buttons in the cockpit. Put me in, coach! And obviously, the flight attendants could do nothing about our predicament except pray that the passengers weren’t mean to them. God didn’t even try to answer their calls, because we were leaving from LaGuardia, and in a group of ten or more New Yorkers, there is 100% chance someone will complain. It’s the law. And obviously, that person was right across from me. Ready with her bitch card out.
Woman flags over the sweet, sweet flight attendant (with, let me say in case he ever sees this, some gorg hair—it was giving Hot Young Jesus). ‘It’s so unfair you’re keeping us on this plane without giving us the option of leaving,’ she says. ‘I could have gotten on another flight by now and taken off.’ But, Hot Young Jesus points out, ‘There is no other flight heading in this direction tonight, ma’am,’ (and ‘you are speaking non-sense,’ he most definitely thinks). Long story long, this woman was Number One Enemy before we were even airborne.
Fast forward to when we finally landed, lady bolts up to the aisle. Clearly, my row was ahead of hers. And everyone knows deboarding happens from the front of the plane to the back. This is common knowledge, basic respect. But lady follows no rules, respects no parties. This was my final straw. No one gatekeeps the aisle from me. I turned to my friend, we made knowing eye contact, and telepathically decided it was our mission to beat this Obvious Karen to the airport exit.
Let me tell you, it was mission: Almost Impossible. Because not only was Karen a strategic de-planer, but she was a speed-walking Queen.
That’s where my long legs come in. Though my friend had been training for the moment her whole life—beating google maps walk estimates her favorite sport—I, on the other hand, like a solid meander. Speed and walking are not meant as bedfellows.
I know you’re at the seat of your pants, wondering if my Daddy Long Legs of a body pulled through. Reader, have no fear. Tall Privilege is Real.
The point of that whole story is to say I only recently realized my Tall Privilege. Hell, I didn’t even know I was Tall until approximately 18 people in the past few months pointed it out to me. I know, so ignorant: a classic Privileged move. And apparently, I am not just Tall, but I have the Tall Person Personality to accompany it. To top it off, most of my friends are Short. This makes me: A Triple Tall Threat.
Don’t worry, I’ll unpack all that. The Tall Person Personality is difficult to define. But when you see it, you know it. It is not exclusive to the Tall Community. In fact, my theory is that the Short Community contains the most Tall Personalities. It’s an equalizer: height matters little when demeaner suggests otherwise. Tall People shrink themselves and Short People grow themselves. They all cry, please, ‘just let me feel like a Medium Person.' And Medium people, I’m not even going to get into that…
I was apparently unconscious of my Tallness for most of my life. It took me time to come into an awareness of my body in space (proprioception). For starters, when I am with others, I level-set. I’m not thinking: wow that person is this height, during the majority of the encounter; thus, it is not something I actively think about myself, either. Suffice to say, I can only think of a few instances my height crossed my mind. One is in kindergarten, where my crew consisted of the two Shortest People in the grade, and I was a Top Ten Tall. There were comments made in passing, because for a hot second I felt like some Gangly Stork. But soon enough it became a non-issue, my difference obliterated.
I don’t pretend to speak for my Medium and Short Compatriots, or those on the extreme end of any related spectrum. Major respect for any Height Pain. The other day, I was at a book release event and the author, probably around six foot, had major Tall Person Energy. So much so that I questioned if I can even align myself with it. Wooh, we are getting to the top of a Tall Tall mountain with all this new lingo. Hopefully, professional de-planer Karen didn't get lost on the way.
Tall thoughts, signing off.
P.S. Could we make a Kinsey scale but for height personality? As an identity. Someone talk to Buzzfeed. This could be Big.
P.P.S. I might not even be that tall according to your standards. Just to make matters more ridiculous.
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